Yes! I found one.
Moving
to Bangalore was more or less an impulsive decision. But then that’s
what most of my decisions have been till date. And so Bangalore it’s
going to be, I said to myself. I had to join the new position in
two-week’s time. After arriving in Bangalore, and a couple of hours
later in the new office, I found myself surrounded by a group of warm
and friendly bunch of people who were going to be my new team members. I
knew the manager as he was an old friend, and one of the team members
too who was going to play a pivotal role in the coming months; I was a
bit at ease though terribly tired. After a round of introductions I was
introduced to a pleasant looking person who was going to be my Buddy.
Arup Nag was his name.
My
first reaction, to myself of course, was “not bad” for he seemed to be a
nice guy. He suggested that we all exchange contact numbers, and asked
me to feel free to reach out for any help. I liked that!
What
transpired in the days to come is something I shall never be able to
comprehend fully. What I experienced, what I learnt, the good the bad,
has left an indelible mark on my psyche. But nonetheless here goes.
Next
day, which was a Saturday, I got invited to one of the team member’s
daughter’s birthday, and I was to go with my Buddy and his roommate who
was a part of my team too. The plan was to meet at a common point in the
evening. We met and the commute began. The ride was a rough one as it
was raining and roads on the way had been dug for metro rail lines. But
more than anything else it was the distance that was killing us. Well,
we finally reached the destination. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable
and had a splitting headache. I popped some pills and decided to step
out in the balcony for some fresh air. My friend, the manager (not sure
if I should be referring him that anymore!) suggested we stay back for
the night as it’ll be pretty late by the time we leave and reach the
other end of the city. I didn’t quite like the idea. Arup sensed it. He
immediately came to me and said, “Don’t worry. I’m also not comfortable
with us staying back. I’ll book a cab and we’ll all leave together.”
I
was very touched by his gesture. More than anything else it was the
assurance, the understanding in his voice that left me moved, and of
course relieved. And he’d known me only for a day. I liked that!
In
the next couple of weeks, I got to spend lot of time with my buddy. He
briefed me on the procedures, processes, operations and so on. He fully
realized that it was a huge shift for me not just in terms of the
company but also in terms of the profile, the industry. I, hence,
observed his explanations were bite-sized and he stuck to being as
non-technical as possible. He kept checking with me if I was able to
take it all in, and if I wanted him to go slower. I liked that!
Metro
was getting launched in Ludhiana and we were all to go there to attend
the opening. Some of the trainers including Arup left earlier, and the
rest of us were to leave after a couple of days. I was quite excited.
Little did I know or was aware of what was in store for me. Pun
intended! Journey to Ludhiana was a long one, and eventful too. After
checking in to the hotel I was visibly disappointed. The quality of the
rooms was low, and I didn’t find it quite basic enough. Everyone from
the team had called it a day including Arup. I had dinner with two of my
female colleagues including the manager's muse which again was not
quite up to the palate. All of us expressed our dissatisfaction, and
finally retired to our respective rooms.
Next
morning we were having breakfast and just then Arup came up to us. He
generally asked if everything was ok in terms of stay and food. My face
still carried the expression from the previous night, and I have a
feeling he guessed my state of mind. However, I kept mum. The other two
women sprung up saying that yes, everything was perfect! I couldn’t
believe it. I mean, just last night we were all in agreement over the
disagreeable state of affairs. What happened now???!!!!!! Seeing them
rattling on dumbly, I couldn’t control myself and added my two pence
that no, all was not good with the arrangements. Thankfully, he didn’t
act surprised and in order to make the atmosphere lighter added in a
jocular vein, ‘This is life! Yeh sab hota rehta hai. Khush rehna chahiye’……..something
on those lines. I lost it! I snapped at him saying I was in no mood for
a sermon early in the morning. He didn’t say anything. Just smiled and
left it at that.
Unbelievable
remorse and shame is perhaps what describe the next few minutes of my
life in that moment and situation. Did I actually say that? To someone
whom I’ve barely known for two weeks. We’d reached the store, and per
that day’s schedule I was to spend it shadowing Arup. Poetic justice! I
said to myself. It couldn’t have got more awkward than this. Well, I had
to do it and I decided to do it before it gets too late and more
awkward. I couldn’t muster courage to look him in the eye and mutter an
appeal of forgiveness. Texting came to my rescue. I wrote a sincere and
heartfelt note, words of apology. He wrote back saying, ‘It’s ok. I understand.’ Strangely, I could feel that yes, he did. I
wrote again apologizing for my appalling behavior to which he replied
that yes, he was aware of all that I was going through and that I was
tired and hence, it was natural of me to react in such a way. I felt a
huge sense of relief mixed with wonderment and gratitude. Who was this
guy? Was he really this good?
What
I went through in the next few days or rather what I experienced, and
yes I write these words again, will be etched in my memory for years to
come. On one hand, where I found myself vulnerably and unexpectedly
exposed to the insensitive behavior and alienation from my friend; on
the other, I felt strangely comfortable in the presence of this one
person I hardly knew. What the hell was happening? What was going on?
He
would every day ask me how I was doing. His concern always shone
through. However, he told me later what was going through his mind those
days. He said he kind of felt that he was taking things lightly and
perhaps making a mockery of my situation. The logic behind the thought
being that I had come from an A-list company, Google and having wallowed
in luxury for 4 years must be finding it difficult to adjust. He even
added saying he'd been feeling guilty. I told him he didn't need to, and
that au contraire, for some reason I had never doubted his genuineness.
However, all that he'd said in terms of reasoning was true to the core.
I was having a rough time. It was an ordeal and I wanted it to end.
And, soon. He would often express his concern; not that he needed to. I
of course always politely asked him not to worry and that I was learning
to adjust. But within a day or so I felt the change. I could see him
more worried and more anxious about my state. It touched me in an odd
sort of way. I started to find his presence comforting and reassuring.
It felt good when he was around. And I liked that!
By
our last night in Ludhiana, I was quite miffed with the manager’s
behavior and had sort of been feeling withdrawn and shelled. I was in my
room when his muse called to say that there was plan to eat out. My
instinct was to immediately say no. But then I decided to play along.
Needless to say, I curse myself for this momentary lapse till date.
Anyway, on our way to the destination, I was quiet, didn’t feel like
talking much. The manager was trying to entertain but I could not bring
myself to getting amused by his efforts. I’m not sure how much of this
Arup sensed, however when we reached the place I ended up sitting
between the manager and Arup. What I later realized was that Arup though
extremely conscious, was trying to put me at ease and somehow make me
smile. Having said that I strongly feel that his attempts were innocent
and not planned. His charm was effortless and it seemed to have worked. I
was feeling quite good by the end of it all.
A
week later with our Ludhiana stint over we were off to Amritsar. We
were to visit the Golden Temple and then proceed to Wagah border. A
strange incident occurred while we were in the Golden Temple. My friend,
or I should rather say our manager, yeah, that’s more like it. He'd
been behaving quite oddly and indifferently of course, and I’d started
to feel it was largely due to a presence resulting in a territorial
conflict, if you know what I mean. It’s something I’ve no intentions to
elucidate further on. It requires mention purely because of the
significantly instrumental role it played in the blossoming of this
beautiful friendship that I’m talking here about. And so let’s stick to
that, shall we?
So, the manager, realizing that we were a little tight on schedule suggested we go directly for the langar.
For a moment I couldn’t believe he actually said that. I mean, who
visits a temple just to have food and not pay respects to the deity?
What does it indicate? Lack of maturity, flawed upbringing, zero values?
I was anyway adamant to visit the sanctorum first and if time permitted
proceed for langar. And I expressed so. On hearing me say this,
Salil, one of our colleagues admitted his consent too. I looked at Arup.
‘Of course, I’m with you’ was writ all over his face. I liked that!
We
finished lunch and started for Wagah. Might I add at this juncture that
the weather conditions in Ludhiana and now Amritsar were not quite
conducive for traveling. Simply put, it was bloody hot! And, I was
finding it hard to take it. When we reached Wagah what I saw is
indescribable. There was, if not sea, a lake or river of people, if
there is such an expression. In other words, there was no place to
stand, let alone to sit or to relax. And, every minute the crowd was
increasing. It was 3:30PM and the gates were to open at 5. They soon
started to separate us in two groups, men and women. So the manager’s
muse and I were on one side and the boys were on the other. Finally, the
moment arrived and the gates opened. Believe it or not, even before we
could realize what was happening, the two of us were shoved across.
Amidst the hustling, I don’t know when we were on the other side still
getting pushed and trying to balance ourselves and sprinting in between,
literally. After all the frisking and searching, we reached the gate
atop which was the seating arrangement and from where you could see the
Pakistan side and watch the famous evening parade routine. Fatigue does
not even begin to describe my state. Dehydration, hunger, body pain, and
needless to add, irritation; what the hell were we doing here? Call me
unpatriotic and I won’t argue. Though I must say that as much as I
wanted to be a spectator to something so special the murderous
termination of my enthusiasm was largely due to the conditions I was in.
Surely, the others were feeling the discomfort too but strangely nobody
said anything, not much at least. As a result, I also became the bad
guy. I wasn’t very ok with it but then it was something I couldn’t do
much about. And so I let it be!
After
a point when I couldn’t take any of it anymore, I told my colleague
that I was going down for a while. I came down the gate tower and
started walking. I was suppose to go back and join the rest but
unconsciously I found myself, without even realizing, walking back. My
legs didn’t stop me. I had no strength to even pause for a moment and
think. I just kept on walking. It was a long walk but I finally reached
the parking area. To my utter disappointment I couldn’t remember the car
we’d come in. I guess the fatigue had completely clouded my mind. I
couldn’t even remember the driver’s face. I panicked a bit but kept
walking and looking around for a familiar one. I remember feeling
parched with thirst and asking a local dhaba guy to give me some
water as I didn't have any money. After a bit of floundering, I finally,
to my utter delight, discovered our vehicle and the driver standing
next to it. He waved at me and I rushed towards the car. I almost drank a
bottle of water, washed my face and sprayed myself all over. I felt as
if I hadn't breathed in the last two hours. I now was! After about an
hour, the rest of the group returned. I was half asleep. They sounded a
bit worried. They’d been looking for me. We were not allowed mobiles for
security reasons so nobody knew where I was. I apologized, not that
I wasn't feeling guilty. But strangely, more than the manager’s and his
muse’s reaction I was trying to figure out Arup’s. He didn't say
anything. Guess, he was too tired. He sure was dripping with sweat.
We
headed straight to the railway station. We had a train to catch to
Delhi. Maasi wanted to come and see me so I told her to come directly to
the station. She asked me which sweetmeat delicacy I wanted to have. I
shamelessly gave her my choice. But then it was Maasi I was talking to,
my darling. Arup and Rajat went to freshen up; manager along with
another colleague went off to get dinner. After a while we boarded the
train. The rest of us freshened up. We then had dinner. It was time to
call it a day! Phew! What a day it had been.
Morning
we reached Delhi and immediately started for the airport. Our flight
was in the afternoon. We freshened up and decided to go for breakfast in
a while. I decided to go look out for a magazine counter
but couldn't find any. On my way back to the lounge area where all of us
had stationed ourselves I saw a Haldiram shop and stepped in. While I
was going through the savory range I saw my colleagues including the
manager walk past in a hurry. I found it a bit disconcerting. I quickly
paid for my purchase and followed the team. We all went to the first
floor. The manager looked upset, wonder why, he snapped at his muse and
left in a huff. Nobody knew or could figure out what had caused this
impulsive, immature and ludicrous reaction. We didn't have a choice but
to keep mum and wait for things to cool down. But it shocked me beyond
belief how weirdly and appallingly this man had behaved, and what image
was he building of himself as a manager, as a human being. The reactions
that poured out were kind of mixed. I found that a bit strange
too. Wasn't this categorically inappropriate? I tried to distract myself
but was finding it quite difficult. We all then finished breakfast and
headed for the lounge. After a few whispers and murmurs, conversation
got back on track. Phew! Strangely, I don't remember Arup saying much.
Soon
it was time for Arup and the other colleague to board. They were
leaving for Hyderabad. I was going to see him after 2 weeks. Sure. We
boarded ours for Bangalore two hours later. By evening I was home. Later
in the night, the manager sent us all a message granting us permission
to report by afternoon the next day. What a gesture, I thought! And
thanked him promptly. Though in the months to come I realized how stupid
it was of me to even bother. His behavior had been unforgivable.
Next
morning or rather next afternoon I reached office. Things seemed pretty
normal. I found that a bit strange but nonetheless. Days passed on. I
found myself trying to fit in to the scene and familiarize myself with
things around. The handover began and I figured there was a lot to do
but the whole place lacked organization. It was mayhem. And while all
this was happening I also noticed that my relationship with my friend
was taking a different turn, and not a pleasant one at that. I was
having to push my boundaries to try and comprehend this odd change. Yes,
I could see that he seemed to have a special bond with the other lady
colleague, whom I've been referring to as his muse all along, and it was
perfectly fine with me. I mean, honestly I’d be happy for him if things
worked out. However, this hidden development would affect my friendship
in any way was not within the cognizable realms of my thinking. But
that’s exactly what was happening and I was to realize this, sadly, much
later, and much to my disappointment.
Two
weeks had passed. This fine Monday morning I reached office and guess
what? There was Arup! He was back from his trip. I was very happy to see
him but didn’t say so. We exchanged pleasantries. He asked me if
everything was ok. I knew what he meant, and just smiled. After a while
he looked at me and said, ‘It’s so good to see you!’ More than for what
he said I was happy because he said it. I wanted to say, ‘Concur!’ but
couldn’t. A couple of days later, and since mostly my conversation
revolved around the horrendous and inextricably unforgettable Ludhiana
experience, Arup one day, referring to the trip, in the evening asked
me, ‘How are you doing?’
I said, ‘Fine, I guess.’
He said, ‘I discovered something about you.’
I said, ‘What is that?’
He said, ‘You are very spiritual.’
I was a bit taken aback, but only asked, ‘How?’
He
then reminded me of a statement I’d made nonchalantly and of course
unaware if someone was around and watching. He said it was somewhere on
the train that I’d said to myself, ‘This too shall pass!’ I was little
embarrassed thinking what impression he might have made of me on this
account. But he further added saying that it made him think of the
impact the whole experience was having on me. He said he was quite
touched by the fact that I was trying to adjust and not make a big deal
of it despite the adverse circumstances. He added that he could clearly
see I was pushing myself constantly, and that he wanted to tell me on
numerous occasions I didn’t need to. I couldn't believe myself! Was I
that transparent or was this man above ordinary having taken the pain to
go the extra mile to try and understand my predicament. Wow! I so like
him!
The
coming months form a blurred image in my mind, but a happy one thinking
about how and why my friendship with Arup was developing. It’s quite
difficult to put across every conversation, but then yes, it’s these
conversations that started to form an image of this thorough gentleman. I
guess after a long time I came across a man who was shy, literally shy.
And it was his shyness and its unmatched and rare combination with
chivalry that made him so adorable. I found myself opening up to him,
and pretty fast. Confessedly, I was amazed at my own ease and comfort
level when I was with him. I was constantly surprising myself and told
him so too, one day.
He
seemed quite conscious in terms of his body language and overall
behavior. However, his expressions were safely open and most enjoyable. I
found all of it quite endearing. Life seemed good. And I liked that!
The
year was fast moving towards its culmination and Arup was traveling
quite a bit. I think I used to miss him when he was not around, but
I wasn't sure if my mind had acknowledged this development at all.
Whenever he’d be in office we would chat on various topics, spend time
together. I had started to enjoy this bonhomie.
The
New Year started with the Symposium buzz. A 3-day program, it was going
to be the first one since all the new additions to the team including
myself. Yes, to be honest I was excited. Little did I know that those 3
days were going to prove to be excruciatingly torturous, needless to add
unpleasantly unforgettable ones. A couple of days in to the New Year
and the itinerary was out. However, what we didn’t know until the first
day of the event was the list of activities that were supposedly lined
up for us to participate in. Discussions galore followed by preparations
in the air, the day arrived. Our colleagues from other states had also
flown in. Day one itinerary, after a round of introductions, an
ice-breaker, was announced. ‘We start with Treasure Hunt!’ the manager
said. I’m not a very games person but then I thought, ‘What the hell!’
We were divided in to teams and after about couple hours of running
around it came to an end. Arup’s team was the winner!
It
was lunch time, and none of was knew what was in store for the
remaining part of the event. ‘Hot Seat,’ the manager announced. Each one
of us was to sit in the middle of the group and all the team members
were to say what they thought about us. It started alright! I remember
saying some really nice things about the manager. Today, I can’t stop
feeling angry with myself. What was I thinking!
The
exercise, unexpectedly, turned out to be taking longer than usual.
Arup’s turn came and he went and sat in the center. The round began with
everyone saying good things about him especially his professional
behavior, his expertise and subject knowledge. And of course, his
good-naturedness and charm was something that everyone mentioned. When
it was my chance to speak for a moment, I remember, I felt a rush as I
wanted to say so many things. However, I restrained myself emphasizing
on the fact that he was special because he’d been my buddy, and that
he’d been extremely supportive and helpful throughout. I then added that
he was someone who came across quite shy and reserved; however was a
great conversationalist with a firm grip on various subjects.
Quite
honestly, I was waiting for my turn purely because I wanted to hear
what he had to say about me. And my turn came, the next day. He
described me elegant with great vocabulary and someone who was eager to
learn. Funnily and sadly, I don’t remember after that. What I do
remember, however, is that he very vividly described how I’d pulled a
dog cart full of sacks of rice twice in the Ludhiana store. I knew
exactly what he was trying to say, but what I also realized, much to my
chagrin, was that NOBODY understood!
The
last day turned out to be most horrendous. The activity was called ‘My
story.’ An intelligent guess and I knew I was doomed or rather most of
us were if I might add on their behalf. Anyway, cutting the drama, we
were to narrate our life story till date highlighting all the important
turning points in our respective lives. Trust me when I say, I wanted to
get this thing over and done with, and fast. Arup spoke before me. I
liked the way he went about his journey so far. What distinctly remains
etched in my mind is his experience with leprosy patients in a hospital
where his father was positioned for sometime. In a moment’s flash it
made me realize the unique spectrum of life that he’d been exposed to,
and how must it have affected his psyche and overall outlook. Perhaps
that explained his indefatigable spirit and an all-acceptance approach
in life. I was nervous as hell when my turn came. He sensed that. I
tried to be as cryptic as possible, however, needless to say, since most
of the experiences of my adult life had been unpleasant, my narration
turned dark and morose. Looking back I feel I could’ve avoided some of
it. Nevertheless, as soon as I was done, I got a text. It was from him,
congratulating me on my composed narration. It felt nice.
By
the time everybody got done with their respective life stories it was
late evening with a couple of hours left for partying. There’s not much
that I wish to write here describing the party because there’s nothing
to write, however what does need mentioning is how Arup came to my
rescue once again before the ordealious day came to an end. The day’s
events had been quite emotionally disturbing so to speak. With the
manager’s behavior still at the back on my mind, I was particularly in a
mopey state because couple of days later was my wedding date, and since
I’d just briefly described to a 15-member strong audience the D-day’s
occurrence and then the falling apart of the union, all of it had left
me feeling vulnerable and exposed.
An
hour or so later and a couple of Breezers down with no mood to hit the
dance floor for various reasons, I decided to step out in the open and
breathe. As I sat down on a sidewalk in the park outside I broke down.
An over-whelming sense of grief gripped me. Just then I felt someone sit
down beside me. I was not surprised. It was Arup! He asked me why I was
crying. I first thought I should keep it to myself, but then I couldn’t
control it. I blurted out saying all that was bothering me and had been
on my mind for a while. I told him why I had been feeling for sometime
that essentially I was not a good human being. He seemed to have
understood all of it. I could feel it, yet again. There was genuineness
and concern in his voice and the way he spoke. I was truly touched. He
even offered to take me out for dinner if I deemed it appropriate, he
said. “How sweet,” I thought. “Deemed appropriate!” Of course I deemed
it appropriate, and immediately nodded my head.
Whether
we went for that dinner or not is irrelevant. What’s important is this
gentleman’s thoroughly genuine concern and willingness to help that came
across so vividly in that moment. Ah! God bless him!
We
wrapped up by midnight and it was time to go home. Along with another
colleague in the cab we were on our way. I reached home around 1 am. By
1:15 am I received Arup’s text that he too had reached home. I’d asked
him to message me. At about 2 o’clock the manager called asking me if I
wanted to say something. Yes, I said to myself. There was quite a bit
that I wanted to say but my senses got the better of me and I just
replied, ‘No, nothing. Not now.’
Next
morning Arup texted again to check if I was doing ok and if I was
feeling alright. It was very thoughtful of him. A simple thank you from
my side was not enough. I wished I could tell him how heartfelt it was.
With
Delhi store round the corner and the Jaipur one at its heels, the
travels were beginning to gain momentum. Arup was to travel too, to
Delhi. The day after he left I could feel as if I was missing something.
And I don’t think I was sure what and why.
My
friendship, however, with Arup had taken quite an eventful turn by now
in terms of ease and comfort. Not that there was any lack of it earlier,
but I could sense the further advancement of it. Our messages had
become more elaborate, and on other occasions more cryptic considering
we understood each other’s minds even better. It was almost like a
conversation, something that Arup remarked upon recently. In his words, “SMS par toh baat hoti hai!” I've held that against him and he knows. We’ve had a semi-argument over it as well but more on that later.
Coming
back to our increasing comfort level, I had started to feel that Arup
was opening up more and that he felt comfortable sharing his thoughts.
In the following months, the relationship seemed to be growing from
strength to strength with each passing day, with each conversation, with
each text message!
Month
of May, Jaipur store was opening up. Arup was to go for post opening
audit. The plan, ideally, was suppose to be for a week. While he was
there our texting continued and so did the sharing of thoughts. He would
ask me occasionally if I wanted something from Jaipur. I found that
very endearing, but said no. One day he texted, saying that his stay
might get extended for another week. I don’t know why but I felt
wrenched inside. I reacted by saying that this was not fair and that he
should come back and so on. It was more of a ramble I feel looking back.
Since he was also not very happy about it he voice was a little off
too.
In
that one week my thoughts had clarity and acknowledgement. Yes, I
missed him! I told him so; however he did not say anything in return.
His normal shy self always getting the better of him in moments like
such. I do remember to shamelessly rattle on still. Finally, he was
back. And he brought me a gift too! A cute little camel handcrafted in
typical Rajasthan style. I invited him over for lunch for the following
Saturday and he agreed. Aloo paratha was on the menu, on demand.
Each
day was a happy day when he was around. I could feel it! The general
cheer in the air, the upbeat atmosphere; though I wonder if it was just
for me. Arup had started painting. He would often over texts describe
what he was working on. I found that quite exciting, and reasonably
impressive. One day he brought his collection to the office. We all went
through the sheets and were shocked in awe. The pieces were brilliant!
The sketches, the color selection, the strokes….everything. I
congratulated him and expressed my appreciation. He smiled casually and
we left it at that. Did he not believe me, it left me thinking though.
With
many more lunches and dinners to follow, the relationship was blooming
and blossoming and continues to do so as I write this piece. When I
started it he was traveling and even today he is. The messages continue;
calls have come in to the picture too. But the arduous wait to have him
around sometimes is over-bearing. He’s been traveling for over two
months now. He’s dropped in in-between for a week or so and needless to
say those days have been special.
On
one of our rendezvous at home, he noticed Lord Krishna paintings on one
of the walls at home. Also, he’d also accompanied me to the ISKCON
temple once. And so the conversation got steered to my beliefs and what
made me feel drawn towards this form of Him in particular. It was an
interesting one, I should say. However, what followed after this
conversation is something that perhaps I will never find enough words to
express, or to justify my emotions.
One
fine morning when I reached office, Arup called me to his desk and
handed out an envelope. I opened it and lo and behold! There were three
Krishna paintings! He said, ‘They are for you. Do you like them?’
‘Like
them? I absolutely love them!” I said, imagining how they will look on
the wall framed against a black background. Two months later, they today
adorn my house. They look stunning, needless to say. And I’m so proud
of him. Four more paintings after that followed including one on canvas.
They shall soon join the rest.
It
was July and I was starting to get excited about my birthday especially
because Mum was coming. Kausor di had confirmed her trip too. And I
wanted both of them to meet Arup. Though somehow I was a bit
apprehensive and had a hunch that he will not be around for my birthday.
I shared my thought with him too. Since he was also not sure of how
things will pan out in view of the store opening phase he didn't say
much. Luckily though he was around; he’d finished his first lap of tours
and was back only for a week. I’d taken 2 days off and incidentally the
day before my birthday he didn't come to office as he was not well. I
went to visit him in the evening and he handed me a cardboard box which
he said was my birthday gift! He said he didn't have time to gift-wrap
it, and so if I wished I could take it the next day when he would come
for dinner or could take it now as well. I grabbed it. “Who cares about
the wrap,” I said.
I
reached home and told Mum. I couldn't wait until midnight to open it.
Midnight struck and his was the first wish on my phone. A few minutes
later I opened the cardboard box. I could not believe when I saw what
was inside! It was a brass statue of Lord Krishna! How the hell did he
know it was exactly what I was looking for to place in the temple
but hadn't been able to get the right size? It was perfect. A rush of
emotions surged me. I wanted to call him right away, try and tell him
what I was feeling but then realized it was past midnight and he must be
asleep. I took a deep breath and wrote him a heartfelt thank you note.
Though I kept thinking the whole night that it was not enough.
Such
thoughtful gestures are priceless! These gifts are invaluable! Will I
ever be able to match these? I know I should not be thinking on these
lines and when he is reading this he’s going to react in the same way
too, but nonetheless I can’t help but wonder.
Before
he left for his first trip of this season, I remember having
tête-à-tête with him on couple of occasions on how things stand. I was
feeling extremely nervous about the impending long stretch, and much to
my surprise had been behaving oddly too. I knew exactly why it was all
happening, and distinctly remember feeling helpless. While talking to
him one particular evening before he left I teared up thinking about his
absence in the coming weeks. I even apologetically confessed about my
irrational behavior in the last few days. I then asked him what was
going on in his mind. He took a pause and said it was going to be
difficult for him too. And finally, much to my pleasant surprise, he
said, ‘Yes, I will miss you.’ Considering all that he’d been facing at
work owing to the manager’s obnoxious and unexplainable behavior on
account of his increasing bond with me, I found that extremely touching.
Looking
back, it only seems a year. Emotionally though it’s been an eventful
journey. Sometimes my mind tries to race and guesstimate how things will
be six months from now, but I fail. As much as I try to mollify myself
in to thinking that I should enjoy the present and make the most of
these moments I am, at the same time, compelled to feel nervous and
edgy. What next??? I often ask myself.
People
like Arup are rare. They are the rare gems hardly to be found.
Emotionally clear, intellectually high and a true man from the heart.
But he is all this and more! I often tease him saying that thank God
he’s not meterosexual; but more on that some other time. He may not say
all that he feels, but his actions speak a thousand words. And actions
and gestures are what stay with you for life. Be it taking me out for
lunch, buying grocery or hearing me out in times of distress which mind
you is as frequent as it can be, the man’s clearly got a heart of gold.
Yes, the exterior is tough but inside he is a marshmallow. One look at
him and you feel for sure that things are in control. He brings about a
sense of calm and peace. He helps me understand life from various
perspectives. Every conversation with him leaves me enriched, satisfied
and wanting for more. However, might I add, one sneak peek in to his
psyche and one can sense the turbulence. His mind it seems is going
through a perpetual tempest of sorts.
It’s
difficult to stop writing, yet at the same time difficult to put
everything in words. Soon after coming to this city, I used to often
wonder why life had taken such a rueful turn and why I had ended up in
this drudgery. However today, I feel differently.
Yes,
it was destiny that I come here, yes it was destiny that I get
associated with this company, yes it was destiny that I come in contact
with all the people that I have come across so far, and YES it was
destiny that I meet him. It was fated to have him come in to my life.
And I feel blessed to have met someone as remarkable as him!
